January. It’s the Monday of months, ya know?

Thankfully, we can all move forward because it’s finally February. Double high-five! Perhaps it’s because of the slow drag of winter post-holidays, or the inevitable Q1 downtime, but over the past few weeks in my mom-off-duty hours, I’ve been taking care of the BTS admin work that goes on behind being a blogger/influencer—planning, pitching, concepting, prepping, and paperwork like W-9s and invoices—the not-so-sexy things that don’t get talked about on Instagram. I’ve been wearing a lot of the same “mom uniform” to school dropoff and pickup, shifting between my bed or the sunny nook on the floor by my big bedroom window, where on school days for all three of my kids, I hunker down behind my laptop screen to get some work done. It’s far less glamorous than a creative fashion shoot and lunch with a fellow blogger friend, but hey, it’s part of my side hustle job and so here I am, knee deep in mundane tasks just trying to adult the best way I know how—that is to say: with a fair amount of complaining on the side and, if I’m being honest, Netflix on in the background.

There’s adulting. And then there’s mom adulting.

Of course, then there is the “mom life” adulting stuff that pretty much consumes my days as a SAHM of three boys. If you and your mom friends have been in the same boat lately, I’m willing to bet you’ve been checking in on each other, talking (or texting like us!) about different “mom adulting” to-dos on your minds. I know my friends and I certainly have. Today, I want to share a few of the reoccurring topics that keep popping up amongst my girlfriends and I when it comes to getting our lives aligned with our 2020 vision. Would love to hear if you have been chatting about the same topics—or perhaps different ones that I didn’t know I needed to be thinking about?! Let me know in the comments below.

1. Accountability // When my 8 year old’s teacher sent me an email last week about a petition he had created and garnered signatures from several students at school, I was faced with a deeper social issue that I had only ever talked with my kids about in general terms. “Don’t lie, always tell the truth”, “honesty is the best policy” and things like that have usually only ever come up when one of my kids did something naughty at home, like sneaking candy or blaming their brother for something they did. My son had recently heard about the Coronavirus from another classmate, who told him inaccurate things like how people got infected with it from eating koalas. Because of this, I decided to read him some actual facts about the science of Coronavirus, how it spreads, and where the confirmed cases are now. We also talked about how some countries are restricting flights from that region of China and how these travelers are getting checked for symptoms. As a result, my son had the idea to make a petition the next day in school asking students to pledge not to travel to China until 2037 (a very random year chosen simply to show a great length of time until he deemed the virus to be eradicated, I suppose!). His teacher noticed the petition and asked the class who created it. When some students said it was him, for whatever reason, he denied it and pointed fingers at another child in a different class. This led his teacher to talk with the other teacher and student, who of course said it wasn’t her, thus leading back to my son. And here we are, facing the complex issues of accountability—and furthermore, accepting the consequences for lying. I had to ask myself, what was the real issue here? For me, it wasn’t the petition. It was that he lied to his teacher when asked if he had created it. While having a talk with him that night, I tried to dissect this issue into two distinct points: 1- lying, which we should never do because the truth will always come out, and because telling the truth is always the simplest (though not always the most comfortable) solution, and 2- the petition, which in itself is actually well-intentioned and thoughtful, so he should have been proud to take ownership of this idea. I tried to explain to him the meaning of “accountability”—it’s more than just being responsible for something, but to own up to our actions whether they are right or wrong in the popular opinion. It was not an easy conversation to have with a child, and he shed a lot of tears. As a parent, I sometimes waiver between the delicate line of trying to raise good humans to respect societal boundaries, while also not crushing their individual spirit. Have you had to have a real conversation with your kids about accountability in the real world?

2. Summer camps (yes, already!) and swim lessons // Lately, I’ve been joking about how one of my girlfriends really needs to be our group’s official social director. She’s so on top of planning things, from activities and events that run the academic calendar to summer break. She’s the one who alerts us to exactly when registrations open up for all the coveted summer camps. And ironically, it’s in the thick of winter, right now, that it is the best time to start planning your child’s summer experiences—as most popular summer camps start to fill up with repeat customers and parents eager to catch those early-bird registration deals. Personally, I love the slow lazy days of summer and being together with my kids while they are little. I don’t want to send my kid to sleepaway camp, or even full-time day camp, but I do love the idea of week-long specialty camps. This year I’m looking into a week-long cooking camp at Sur La Table (my 8-year-old did this last year) and an art camp. As for swim lessons, I consider this to be an essential part of our summer. Since we don’t live in a warm climate year-round, we cannot go swimming throughout the year and my kids could use a refresher course this summer. The rest of the summer I plan to do “Camp Momma” at a leisurely pace and get out and explore with my kids ;)

3. Being present in the lives of our kids // Like many of you, I’ve been in shock since the news broke about Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old daughter’s death, along with the seven other passengers aboard that helicopter. In the wake of the tragedy, I really believe this one just hits differently when you’re a mother, and this is one conversation that my girlfriends and I have been having a lot lately. It’s the kind of sudden loss that makes you deeply reflect: life really is so fragile. If you get the chance today, tell the ones you love that you love them. Take notice of the little things that make you happy about the people in your daily lives, put off doing that load of laundry if it means you get 15 more minutes of time with your kids.

4. Marie Kondo’ing your life + where to donate // In the spirit of anticipating spring cleaning (and also because a very tiny but somewhat terrifying lady on Netflix is chirping at us all about how to spark joy in our lives), my girlfriends and I have been chatting a lot about nesting, purging, and then of course, what to do with it all—donating. Maybe it’s because the days are growing slightly longer (come on, Spring!), but there’s something so uplifting about organizing and unloading things that haven’t seen the light of day from your closet in ages. And in case you’re looking for local places in NJ to donate to that make the biggest direct impact, check out my personal favorite, HomeFront. This nonprofit aims to end homelessness in Central Jersey by providing the resources and expertise of the community to help families become self-sufficient. Some of HomeFront’s incredible resources include a FreeStore filled with all of your donated small household and clothing items from which working poor families can directly shop—for free, of course.

5. Voting like a mother // Given that 2020 is already here, there’s no time like the present to check in with your mom friends about social responsibility. This can mean simple things like making sure they’re properly registered to vote—and also that they’re talking to their kids about the importance of voting. So what does “vote like a mother” mean? Simply, even if you’re not a mother, I hope you vote like a mother whose 5-year-old has to practice active shooter drills. Vote like a mother whose child is gay or transgender. Vote like an immigrant mother whose child was born on US soil and deserves an equal chance at the American dream. Vote like a mother whose black child wants to walk down the street in a hoodie. Vote like a mother who wants a sustainable planet for future generations to live and love and grow on. Vote like a mother who believes her daughter’s sexual assault claims. If you haven’t had a conversation with your kids yet about voting, now’s the time to start planting the seeds.

Since having children, I’ve taken them with me to the polls every Election Day. I try to explain to them the significance of being able to vote and the voting process in simple terms so that they can understand why we vote and what it affects. And what does it affect? Don’t just vote in the Presidential Elections, but also in local, school, county, and state elections. To build a better present and future for our kids, we need to change the status quo. This means finding a way to support these candidates so they will win. Through them, we influence much of what affects families: education, transportation, taxes, local businesses, local environment, discrimination, safety, access—and legislative maps! State legislatures configure the Congressional districts! Talk to your kids now about voting—and if you need a little visual help, check out these kids’ books about elections and voting, including this fun rhyming one by Dr. Seuss. And for voting made easy, head to the non-profit service TurboVote.

6. Summer bucket list // Speaking of summer, now’s a good time to start making your family’s bucket list for when school’s out. I usually put about 10-15 thoughtfully curated items on my bucket list, so I don’t feel the pressure of doing things just for the sake of doing. This allows my family the time to really enjoy summer’s slower pace, to soak up the art of slow living, just being kids. I know other friends who love to make a bucket list item for each day of summer! Whatever your M.O., start planning your family’s summer experiences now to make the most of when the hot weather hits!

I’d love to hear from you guys. What “mom adulting” things have you and your friends been tackling lately?